an honest confession of a twin

Many of us who has siblings will know how frustrating it can be to get along at times.

Just imagine how much worst it is for me, trying to get along with a counterpart that you cannot even run away from, tied together by birthday and genes. Trust me, I know exactly how this feels.

 I have countless people who came up to me with a dreamy look in their eyes saying “I wish I had a twin- I would love to have someone my own age to play with.”

 No doubt, these people must be thinking about those famous twin movies from “The Parent Trap”, or “finding Mary-Kate and Ashley”. Their dazzling identical smiles and exotic twin powers that are enough to charm the pants off anyone. Or some, who might be think of the kind of twins who are constantly in matching outfits- The type that finishes off each other’s sentences and know exactly what the other is thinking. Yes, there are some twins who really are like that. I’m not denying that, for I’ve ever met twins like that myself before.

However, it is surely a common misconception and assumption to think that twins will be identical and have mirroring personalities of each other. In most case, or at least in my case, this is absolutely untrue. At the worst of times, our relationships is a much much uglier picture, I would not ever deny that fact.

Have you ever pondered about what it’s like to be one half of someone else?

Imagine how in a dispute, it’s always her words against yours?

Imagine how people around you are constantly comparing the two of you- school, grades, work, achievements… possibly my future husband, future kids, and the list goes on till the day I die.

Imagine always having to prove your own worth, because having a twin is like having a shadow that never leaves you.

Imagine how people always expect you to be on good terms with each other.

This is what having a un-detachable sibling feels like. Clearly, we are two incredibly different individuals- different dress sense, different thinking, different beliefs and values. Yet no matter how different we are, we still had to share our room, and the not-so-big living space around the house. This literally translates to double trouble. If we had just been two roommates or classmates, we wouldn’t have even thought about befriending each other in the first place. Instead, we weren’t offered the choice of not knowing each other, but are forced to endure each other’s company each day. Woman and their mother-in-law often get into conflicts from staying in the same house. What more, two people sharing the same living squat in a tiny space? It drives us both insane when we step on each other’s toes or cross each other’s line. This has happened too often. And the fact that you need to tip-toe around your own room, change and search for your clothes/things in the dark, due to differing schedules, is the worst feeling ever. Unlike those of you who have the luxury to retreat into own room, I am only in my room when I'm sleeping (no kidding). 

The greatest relief in life was splitting up secondary school, where I finally had the chance to live my life, no longer bound by ridiculous societal rules. I revel and relish in those moments and phases of my life where I could pretend to be an individual. I learnt to speak up, to lead and be at ease with myself. And the other happier moment, is when she's staying out for the night. 

Who said twins had to like each other? How on earth did people come up with the idea that twins could be the of friends and can live happily ever after? 

For a decade and counting, I wish and wish and wish for my own room.